so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
