so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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