Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
