I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
