My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
