also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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