my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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