We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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