so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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