are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
