I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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