Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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