Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
