Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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