It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
