i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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