turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
