So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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