so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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