he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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