it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
