just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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