I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
