Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
