I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Enjoy the penises
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
