He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
