but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
