Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
