Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
