Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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