I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
