i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
