if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
