i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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