It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
