Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
