I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
