oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Found the puke drawer
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
