Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
