i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
