Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
me + whiskey = a bad person
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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