Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
