5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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