Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
