porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize