someone get that fucking seahorse.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
