I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
