he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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