Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
