Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
