based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
