you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
